Why I'm having a hospital birth after two home births

It's been two and a half years since I last gave birth which was in our home, in my bedroom and unassisted, then four and a half years since I gave birth to our first baby in our little duplex with the help of a midwife. They were both wonderful and tough births in different ways and home birth became my passion. They were thought out, prayed about, researched, planned and we were prepared for both of those births. I was the odd woman out for having home births in such a conventional, small town in rural Texas but I felt so normal in those choices anyway. Having babies at home became part of who am and proudly made their way onto all of my social media bio's and into conversations with my mom friends.

But I've always said that each pregnancy and birth requires prayer and an open mind, and if something different needed to happen, I wanted to be open to it.

That's where baby number 3 comes in. I got my positive pregnancy test at the end of November in 2016 and right away, it was a very different pregnancy. Our family was in a different place relationally, our marriage was in a different place, our finances were in a different place and I was also in a different place. Life, at that time, was messy and extra hard. We always have each other and that includes during the difficult seasons as well. And it was a long, difficult season. So, I knew right away that I would need more support this time than I needed with my last birth (the unassisted home birth). We looked at our options financially and decided on seeing an OB to start us out and with the hopes of hiring our long time friend and new to Amarillo midwife for the birth if we could afford it. Now, the only OB I had seen a few times during my two former pregnancies was amazing but had moved away 6 months after I had my last baby so I was on the hunt for a new one. After reading some reviews online, I found a Doctor in Pampa that I decided to try out. To interject in the story here, I truly believe that God has had his hand all over every decision and connection that has been made this pregnancy. I didn't see it at first but now that we're getting closer to the end, I'm amazed to see how everything has been so intertwined and I feel so much peace about this path that we're on because I can see how the Lord has been working everything out. So, I had my first visit with the OB and he was awesome. Supportive of the midwifery model of care, supportive of women like me who choose natural childbirth and everything that comes with it. And better yet, unbeknownst to me when I hired him, this particular doctor was actually already working with the midwife that I was hoping to eventually hire and was her backup doctor for transfers. So after a few months under his care, I transferred care to my wonderful midwife and began prenatal care with her. The pregnancy was extra hard though and by Mother's Day, I knew something was wrong. I was supposed to sing on the praise team at church that morning but my heart rate jumped so high right before walking on stage that I felt like I could barely breathe so instead I stepped out and made some phone calls. My heart rate had been sporadically jumping higher but it had become more noticeable and uncomfortable by May and I had been feeling really horrible and just off for a while with an irritable uterus as well earlier on, somewhere around the 20 week mark.

So, the day following Mother's Day began the many, many appointments I had. I had to transfer care back to the OB, then began to see a cardiologist where they ran a slew of tests to get to the root of the issue all while I still hoping I would be able to return care back to my midwife after we got some answers. The rapid heart rate was making me feel horrible: barely-able-to-function fatigue, out of breath, serious mood swings (my poor family), painful and heavy limbs. My body wasn't getting enough oxygen to function optimally and they were concerned that the placenta may not be getting enough oxygen either. I went through such a range of emotions.. and worrying about my baby was at the top of the list. The doctors had a few theories ranging from super serious (having to put me under general anesthesia for a cesarean and valve replacement at the same time and not being able to have more children) to something as simple as stress. After what felt like a hundred trips to Pampa, we finally got some answers. I have Spontaneous sub ventricular tachycardia (SVT) and a cardiac arrhythmia caused by hormones and anxiety/stress. As it was explained to me, my heart valves weren't filling up with blood all the way because of how fast it was working which was causing the lack of oxygen and apparently its an electrical rather than a valvular issue like the OB was originally thinking BUT this was also a good report as it's a benign diagnosis and with the help of beta blockers, we have it under control and I'm feeling so much better. Like a human again (albeit a very pregnant human)!

I'm 33 weeks this week and working on getting past the fear of the unknown of a hospital birth, mentally preparing for a different way of birthing, and moving past the identity issues that came out of being so passionate about having home births. I'm focusing on all the positives that will come out of having a hospital birth and most importantly, hoping and praying for our sweet baby's safety and wellbeing. I appreciate all the support and prayers I've been given as I work through this transition and especially appreciate how wonderful my husband, kids, my parents and my wonderful midwife have been. They've been by my side to really hold me up through this season that has been continually difficult.



And the last bit of big news: Justin and I have decided to change the baby's name! We picked and announced his name way too early this time. Oops!

Baby name reveal: Take II

I love the name so much and it just feels right. Let me know what you think of our sweet boy's new name!

Have you ever had a huge change in birth plans? How did you transition and prepare mentally?

 I would love to hear your stories and advice as well!  

XO, Brittany